Inner Thoughts

These few days, I came across a number of strangers praising me for being noble to give up my work, my freedom, my sleep for my 2 boys, to be able to handle them alone when I'm outside or at home. I felt touched, consoled and appreciated for sure. As my hardwork had been recognised.. But, somehow, I still feel emotional unbalanced. Cos they don't know the sad and bad sides of other things that had happened to me..

Some sees me as a superwoman. Some sees me as a silly woman. Some sees me as a young lady. Some sees me as a Obasan (Auntie).

Are these comments really so important that may affect my performance, a role as a mother? Yes, it did have some percentage of influence in me, but not too much. Maybe 10%? 40% from the support from my loved ones and close friends, another 50% from my own determination and confidence in taking good care of my kids.

People may think I'm always with my kids, my time are occupied by them. Yes, 24hours daily. But, I still have time for my own, no matter how tired I am, I will still make sure I have my private time daily, to keep myself updated and relaxed. Like now, I will spend a few hours after the boys go to bed doing my own things, be it watching TV, eating snacks, playing games or blogging, I'm glad to have these precious moments. The limited hours made me cherish the things I do and able to do.

Indeed, after being a full time housewife, I lost alot of things. Shopping freely, eating and relaxing in restaurants, drinking and dancing in discos, chatting and gossiping with friends. However, I gained alot at the same time too, my patience level increased, gaining more experiences from the downs I have to face for lesser household income, able to witness my kids's growth and progresses at different stages of their lives, able to correct and lead my kids' life path, able to cherish and be satisfied with the limited luxeries I'm able to have now, and also attaining higher level of inner self quality and cooking skills.

Everything, every matters has 2 sides. Just like a coin, there's head and tail. I like to think pros and cons everytime I do something. Hubby likes to say me for being a worrycat. Cos I can think so much, or can say I have a imaginative brain. Even before I fall asleep, I will think of the things I did for that day, and think of what I have to do the next day, also maybe imagine what will happen in a brand new day too. hehe.. I'm just using one kind of Mathematics - listing out the possibilities.

Many people think I have an easy life now, a housewife just to look after 2 kids and do some chores and cookings. Every family or everyone has its own set of problems. I won't go around saying what happen, cos the problem will still be there. I won't avoid cos it will still be there.. So just take it easy and face it calmly. I believe everything that happens around us has a meaning, it's just a matter of time and how open one's mind is to accept the consequence and moral of the happening.

SOme like to boast about problems, some like to grumble endlessly over small problem, some like to repeat how terrible the problem is but refuse to do anything to it, some like to treat the problem as invisible but get panic when it gets more serious, some like to face it bravely, some like to solve problem impulsively and neglect fine details of it. There are many solutions to all problems, one just has to make proper thinking and firm decision to it, and the problem will be gone in no time.

Like what my brother always say, some like to judge, some only care about what's happening outside, some care about the deepest part an issue. There are all kinds of people around us. Don't get too affected by the things they comment or do, cos you always have the choice of to accept or reject. If you are willing to accept, then accept it with a smile and give thanks. If you are rejecting, then do it will generosity and give thanks for opposites' concerns.

Feeling strange for why am I posting this instead of my usual kids's updates? hehe.. Nothing happen.. Just feel like saying out how I feel or what I have learnt so far.

My wishes :
1.) I wish My boys be healthy and happy, be safe and sound.
2.) I wish my family be united and bonded strongly forever.
3.) I wish I have some break other than a couple hours daily, maybe a short trip?
4.) I wish my friends still remember me as a happy go lucky crazy ger instead of a naggy, busy auntie.
5.) I wish to continue my studies if time and duty level permits.
6.) I wish everyone around me be happy, optimistic and healthy.

This is me.. Taken about 20years ago. hehe.. I just like to smile and laugh. Like what my boys like to do. Do you think Kieron looks like me when I'm small? keke..